let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
