One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
