What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
