the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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