My first STD was from a foam party
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
