she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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