I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
