I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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