They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize