So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
