# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.