why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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