if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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