Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I need to stop coming to work sober
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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