My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
