I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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