is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize