Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
