we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
