I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
