Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
