i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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