Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
