just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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