eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
