Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
