I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
