I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
