If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
