we have pet lesbian snakes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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