pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
my liver is dry heaving
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
