Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
