Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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