she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
