boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
