I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
