im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
