a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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