you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he thought i was a dude.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
