Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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