and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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