i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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