she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
