drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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