thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
