what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
