i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
