The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
