maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
