mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
