all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
