her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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