The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
