She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
