she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
