I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
