i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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