Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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