okay pat passed out under dana's car
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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