u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
