its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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