i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
