I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
