it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
