with your own penis?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
