K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
