I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
