Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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