Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
