I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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