Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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