so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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