her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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