Do you still have your period?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do