in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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