i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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