Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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