guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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