What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
