i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind