you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
