The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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