everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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