My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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